When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Half an hour and a couple of small cuts later, I finally opened that unco-operative bottle of Diet Coke. Among the destructive tools employed to cut through the cap that's annoying fused to the ring below it (normally one would expect to see something like a dotted line all around the circumference of the cap) are my trusted penknife, metal ruler, and ballpoint pen. After breaking three blades and suffering itch-causing incisions on my left palm, the cap finally surrendered and yield to my attempts to force it open. Damn it. Why must Georgie's always sell inferior products?
Weird. If it were anyone else who got cut I would attend to it like an overreactive caring granny. Anyone else but myself. Even as I type I feel the half itch half sting pain across a small section of the flesh below my left thumb, yet I refuse to wipe alcohol swaps or apply a band aid over it. I realize I don't care a lot about myself, yet I care an enormous amount for him. I do. I was so worried.
X X X
He misse(d/s) me! I am happy, and I am glad. Thank you dearie. =) You can't imagine what joy you bring.
8:11 PM
I am Blur Queen. As blur as any sotong can be. I very nearly forgot to file for graduation, partly because of my bochupness, and partly because I didn't think there was a need to file. Why should there be? I mean, isn't my college efficient and "smart" enough to automate the process for us? Besides, I don't recall receiving any emails or reminders whatsoever with regards to FFG. Oh my goodness gracious me. I am blur.
Please remind me to file for grad tomorrow. Anyone. Please. I may really forget. I can only access the site at 9 am tomorrow. I am sotong. I am squid. I am blur queen.
I am also ganjiong spider. I have this unstoppable urge to spring into action, even though I really am all limp and flaccid now. My hands were shaking when I deliberated over adding a sixth module to my five-day week. I don't know what I'm doing. I am lost.
At the pool my feeble mind started rhyming again. An eerie tempo, very much like a nursery rhyme, but haunting and disturbing, like a woman trapped within the shell of a lil' girl, condemned never to grow up. A lady with so much hate and vengeance in her, masked by the innocence of an angelic child, seething and hissing with all things unimaginably negative and evil.
I Stand Alone I stand alone and bawl,
Without you around the hands of time do crawl.
I stand alone and weep,
Holding on to something I know I cannot keep.
I stand alone and cry,
My arms are bleeding I know not why.
I stand at your door and knock,
Blood tears stream down to stain my frock.
I stand alone and sigh,
Embracing death as the light draws nigh.
I stand alone and pray,
that you'll not see me in the state I'm in today.
It doesn't carry any secondary connotations. It's not even an extension of my own feelings. It is simply, a fragment of my imagination, thinking that I'm someone else. Some maniacally depressed soul (though I can be one sometimes) who wields an icy sword that can cause serious damage with its emotional blows.
No, that's not me, or at least not today. I'm not in exceptionally high spirits, but I'm not in a murderous or suicidal mood either. I am so full of my doubts of myself.
Wilson, why do you have to move out of PGP? I so do need a bitching partner right now. A coffee break on either the second or the sixth floor. Instant coffee break (meaning anytime we choose to have one) with instant coffee.
I'm off for a shower. I need to clear my thoughts.
Second day of school. And I don't feel like going for classes. Damn it.
I wanna hop down to the pool and tan and roast and bake and be chao tar. The weather is perfect for a pool lizard. YET, I have to attend two lectures, one at 12 and another one at 2, for which I dun even noe the names of those modules. Well done. I really have lost the touch of studying, haven't I? Sighs.
I have made someone worried last night. I am rather extreme, I confess, when it comes to a certain condition. I'll go berserk and run amok and wreak havoc to myself in order to eliminate a certain discomfort.
